In this episode, I reflect openly about losses in my life. I just lost my mother-in-law Margaret on New Year's Day, two weeks ago on Monday. Tomorrow marks another birthday for my daughter Shayna, who would have turned 24. Nearly nine years after her sudden passing, I still think of Shana daily and carry her vividly in my memory.
I promised not to relegate Shayna to the past - to act as if she’s still very much part of my present and future. And while I’ll always wonder who she might have grown into, I acknowledge the uncertainty inherent in any imagined path or parallel reality.
As I support others in my grief counseling practice, I’m occasionally met with the fear that this painful journey could last years. To them, I explain that grief ebbs and flows over a lifetime - but we grow bigger hearts and minds to carry it. My wounds from Shayna will never fully close, yet mostly, I’ve made peace with that “new normal.”
Lately, I've been exploring revolutionary concepts about existence's transient, dream-like nature through thinkers like physicist Tom Campbell and my new friend, Cailín Callahan. I increasingly see this world as illusory - one ephemeral hologram within an infinite multiverse of possible realities. My dreams have become more lucid, infusing my waking life with surreal qualities.
I find perspective by listening to music that speaks to eternal consciousness growth amid impermanent earthly forms - like the song “The End of the Dream.” Our reality may shift radically, but our inner light endures. And just this morning, Shayna and Margaret gave me a little wink through another song.
What gives you faith when facing loss or uncertainty? Join the conversation at grief2growth.com/community.
I’m Brian Smith - thanks for listening.
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